The younger generation is struggling. Some young people are discouraged. Others have infected our society with ideas that have caused problems all across our country. Everyone is asking, “Why is this happening?” “How did we get to this level of chaos?”
While we may find hope in Presidents or other leaders, the truth is that no one person can solve this. Yes, the world needs Jesus. Yes we better be praying! But the world – especially our children – needs strong, mature, wise parents. Parents are the most powerful people in the world. They can change everything in 20 years or less.
The following article is long. It’s a chapter from my book, Praying for America and the Army of God. I know you will find encouragement and strength in the pages of this book, and I hope you will get your copy today. For now however, enjoy the hope America can find in the homes of strong parents. God bless you if you are parent. I am praying for you!
Day 20
Parenting for a better future
“Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
Once upon a time, an exhausted and frazzled young mother cried as her four-year-old continued to scream his demands. Daddy left the garage workbench to investigate.
“What is going on here? Are you ok?”
Through swollen eyes, Mommy pleaded, “I can’t take one more minute. Please help me!”
Filled with compassion, he remembered advice his pastor had given in a sermon: “Even criminals get time off for good behavior. Every now and then, be sure to give your wife mad money and a day off.”
Daddy led Mommy into the bedroom to retrieve her purse.
“You take the day off. We will be fine. I’ll take care of Tommy.” He placed a fifty-dollar bill in her hand. “Go do something fun, and don’t come back until after Tommy’s bedtime.”
He kissed away her tears and waved goodbye. Filled with optimism, he turned to his son. “Guess what, Tommy? We have the entire day together.”
Daddy’s positive feelings soon faded into frustration. When Daddy wanted to take a walk, Tommy insisted they play ball. When Daddy tried to play ball, Tommy screamed for his bike. After Daddy had finished fixing the wheel on the bike, Tommy pitched a fit to watch TV.
Tired of the constant fighting, Daddy suggested lunch. When Daddy placed a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich in front of Tommy, he stomped his feet and yelled, “No, no, no! I don’t want it!”
Daddy was determined that this would not be a fight. He pointed to every food in the kitchen, hoping his son would be pleased to have choices. Tommy was not pleased.
“Just tell me what you want!” Daddy said, frustrated and tired.
Tommy thought for a moment. “I want fried worms.”
Daddy was not amused and decided to hold him to his request. “Are you sure?”
“Yes! I want fried worms.”
Daddy went to the garden and found a long, fat worm. He sat Tommy on the counter by the stove so he could watch. Daddy buttered the pan and fried the slithering worm until it no longer moved.
“Onions with that, sir?” Daddy joked.
Tommy smiled. “No, thank you.”
Daddy sat Tommy in his high chair and placed the fried worm in front of him. Tommy frowned.
“What’s wrong now?”
“You have to eat it with me.”
“I don’t want a fried worm.”
“No, you have to eat it too,” Tommy screamed.
Daddy wasn’t about to let Tommy win this confrontation so he cut the worm in half and ate it.
Then Tommy screamed even louder.
“What’s wrong now?”
“You ate my piece!”
Parents are the most powerful people on earth.
While trying to deal with an out-of-control toddler, you may not feel powerful; but you are. And you’re also doing the most important thing you will ever do. You are molding the thoughts and experiences of someone who will one day go out into the world and make a difference.
Your parenting has the single greatest impact on your child’s life, and it will also affect everything and everyone that child is around. More importantly, good parents have the ability to mold and shape their children so that they can accept God’s calling on their lives. Not only are you in charge of growing adults for society; you are training future disciples and soldiers in the Army of God.
We have the power to guide how our children will use their talents. Will they be strong? Will they be teachable? Will they be loving? Will they become Christians? With a little mentoring, parents can be prepared to accept the challenge. And through this challenge, the Army of God can literally change our culture. When parents produce children who are ready to impact their society, life for all of us will change for the better.
Unfortunately, many members of the psychological profession have lied to parents. They have insisted there is nothing a parent can do to help their child. Your child will be what he is, and you might as well just accept it. Give him a pill. Let him run wild. Don’t expect anything to get better.
Don’t get me wrong. I love psychology. I’ve studied all the masters and worked hard to earn my degree. However, psychology has no merit until it’s been evaluated through the lens of the scriptures and the power of God. Without that, it’s depressing, and it doesn’t work.
The root problem with psychology is that it is derived from the law of averages. The findings and suggestions of psychologists are based on what “most” people do. They rarely suggest that your child can overcome mediocrity and strive for the stars. Instead, they often insist that you must accept that your child is on the same plain as a dog. Feed him, clothe him and provide physical training. Don’t expect to have any more influence than that. Maybe your child will love you, and maybe he won’t. Don’t expect too much. Even when a parent dares to point to the high achiever, a psychologist may acknowledge the phenomenon but then will quickly point out that it’s rare.
Typically, psychologists will give you the most probable response to the most likely cause and then hope for the best.
Will my teenager be angry? “Well um…statistics teach us that when hormones rise so does a child’s anger.” This kind of psychologist can leave you with the feeling that your child’s behavior is set in stone.
Don’t believe the lie!
You can change your child’s behavior
without hurting his core personality.
With God’s help, you can have an impact on his life. You can help your child become everything God intended him to be. You can have hope if you look at the “best” responses, not the worst. You have the power to help your child overcome any situation he faces but you have to strive to be the exception rather than the norm.
It is also important to help your children understand that they can reach for the stars.
When I counsel families, I do it armed with examples of people who have overcome personal disabilities. Some had help from their parents and some from mentors.
A good example is author Debbie Macomber, whose book sales have reached over 140 million copies worldwide. Knowing this, you may be amazed to discover that Debbie is dyslexic. With the help of her family and a dear mentor, she overcame her disability.
Nick Vujicic has no arms or legs but he is a multi-millionaire Christian author and speaker. His parents wouldn’t allow him to wallow in his circumstances, and he hasn’t. He’s married and is even able to swim and to play with his four children.
One of the Christian giants of this century struggled with low self-esteem and overcame it. Norman Vincent Peale not only became the pastor of Marble Collegiate Church in New York but was also a best-selling author, and along with his wife, founded Guideposts Magazine.
All of these people (and many more) overcame their disabilities because of a plan, a strong family or mentor connection, and plenty of prayers. They didn’t run to a psychologist or put negative labels on their abilities. Instead, they went to work, applied discipline, and made their lives the best they could be. When parents or mentors are compassionate and kind, provide discipline, and expect the best — children will excel.
All around us we find examples of parents who are helping their children overcome debilitating problems. Most any successful person will tell you that they didn’t have the perfect circumstances to get or keep the job they are doing. They achieved because someone helped them overcome their problems. Winners are never people who just walk into success and sit down. Winners are people who worked hard to get where they are and then work even harder to stay there. No matter where we start out in life, we can always strive to be better as we travel the road to being our best. Parents have the power and the opportunity to help their children become the best that they can be.
“It’s not that simple, Debbie.”
You are right. Parenting can seem complicated and hard, especially when you are mired in the day-to-day trials of messy children. And I will admit that the task of good parenting is multi-faceted. But, it is simple when you look at the one connection to every issue. You must capture your child’s heart.
In my book, Discipline Exposed, Surviving Fried Worms and Flying Mudballs, I explain that discipline becomes easier when you capture your child’s heart. You have to convince your child that what you are asking him to do is the only choice —the right choice —the choice that will give him everything he wants.
When a child is completely convinced that an action
is the only right thing to do,
he will live for it and fight for it.
Only when you have made an impression on his heart
will you make an impression on his life!
How do you do that? You give him inspiration. Give her the desire to be better and work harder. Encourage your children to explore all of their talents. Help them aspire to a better life.
Parenting is also about partnership. You are in this with your children. Make them a part of everything you do. Good parenting is not about making your child do everything you want him to do, when you want it, without any questions. Actually, that’s the definition of slavery. If you don’t want to enslave your child and you don’t want an out-of-control toddler in your home, what can you do to maintain discipline?
You do the same thing you would do for an adult. You talk. You reason. You allow the child to disagree. You require him to think his way through problems. You lead him in the process of making good decisions. You remind him of the trials you have been through and that you overcame them.
I love the scripture in Deuteronomy 6. The Israelites were just about to cross the Jordan and possess the land that God had prepared for them. The first four verses stress the importance of teaching their children to live by God’s commandments. And then in verses five through nine, Moses gives a blueprint for raising children.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and
with all your soul and with all your strength.
These commandments that I give you today
are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children.
Talk about them when you sit at home
and when you walk along the road, when you lie down
and when you get up.
Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.
Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”
Deuteronomy 6: 5-9
Moses continues to insist that parents talk with their children about the goodness of God. Molding your child’s life begins with being her role model and continues with being her mentor and guide. We must encourage our children and explain the details of life to them.
When my children were babies I began the talk, talk, talk routine. I talked to them and explained everything we saw or did. I asked questions and insisted they explain their actions. All three of my children are extremely verbal. Our house could get loud at times. The results have been children who understand society, who are capable of working through problems, who have been a joy to raise and be around, and who love God with all their hearts. They are successful adults who daily make the world a better place. God’s plan for parenting does work!
You also must insist on discipline. Discipline isn’t reserved only for child-rearing. It is all around us. You need it to finish college. You need it to do well at a job. Your marriage will require it. If you don’t have it you can go broke, become a couch potato, and lose everything. Why would a parent want to doom their child to an existence without the benefits of discipline? That’s the opposite of love.
For the first 12 years or so, you can’t allow your child to change the rules. During that time there must be consequences for disobedience. The parent must be the brick wall that doesn’t move. At the same time you must explain life and all its rules to your child so he will understand WHY he must obey. You must give him a desire to do well and to consider other people in every decision. Stand your ground and don’t let him get away with anything. You have to discipline and he has to comply. While you’re giving creative talks about life, he’s getting love and an understanding of your character. Always couple discipline with plenty of love and hugs.
Be sure to have fun with your children even while you insist on discipline. Discipline is tempered with compassion. Have fun with him when you discuss your rules and reasons. Use creative examples and make learning fun. Be fair, be reasonable, and discuss the reasons why he can’t do what he wants. Punishment should always fit the crime.
Given the broader focus of this book, there’s not enough space to get into the complicated world of discipline, but I have to point out a very important benefit of teaching our children discipline. Children who learn discipline early will have an easier time in life. They will get better grades. They will be better friends. They will make home life fun. Disciplined kids are easier to live with. And later in life, disciplined adults make better marriage partners.
Someday you will want your child to accept Christ and join the Army of God. If you raise an undisciplined child, you are making it harder for him to do that. The Christian life is disciplined. The Christian life demands commitment and strength. If your child doesn’t possess those qualities, he will have a hard time being a Christian even if he decides to try.
I hear it all the time. “I tried being a Christian for a while but it was too hard.” or “Yeah, my parents are Christians but it just seems too hard — and, like, it’s no fun. I just can’t do it.” These are the comments of undisciplined children.
Parents must also be good examples. If you present a home and attitudes that represent Satan more than God, your children will naturally feel comfortable skirting the line between good and evil. On the other hand if you choose to reflect Christ to your children, their first time to see God’s face will be in yours.
Why can’t we just pray for them and hope they will accept Christ in their teens? You can. But when it’s time for salvation, they will need discipline just to make the decision to walk down the aisle to the alter. They need discipline to say, “Forgive me God, I’m going to change.” They need discipline to begin their spiritual journey, and they need discipline if they are going to keep working toward God’s goal.
Love your children enough to teach discipline. It will help them all through life. They will have better marriages and better grandchildren, (and of course when you’re old, having better grandchildren is a huge reward).
The discipline of your child can also completely change
America in “20” years or less.
Every election cycle, Christian adults begin to fuss about the possibility of the loss of Christian freedoms. “We need constitutionalist judges.” ‘We need better people running for office.” “We need someone who will stand up for our freedoms.”
There’s one sure way to turn this country around and bring it back to it’s Christian roots. We can regain our voice in government. To do that, we need parents who are politically minded, excited, and united in one goal — to fill our government with dedicated Christians. We need parents who are committed to encouraging their children to have a passionate love for our country and our God.
If those parents can inspire their children to accept the exciting promise that God will help them reach for the stars, we can flood the American government with Christian valued adults. Having dedicated Christians working in our government is essential. You know they will be honest about their work and may cause the large ship of government to chart a new course. With Jesus by their side, disciplined patriotic adults can change our society.
And it all begins with parenting.
How do you do that? The parent can simply talk about the great calling of politics, encourage their child to run for school office, to get better grades, and to know this country’s history. Instead of pushing sports, push other areas of their lives that will prepare them for a political job. Get them involved in church. Encourage them to find a ministry, like taking food to a shut in. Being responsible to others will give them a different view and a purpose that will help them care about others in their society. Teach them to value the service of others and to take action when someone needs help.
The Plan
First let’s look at some statistics. The following are numbers of the people serving in different segments of our society.
There are 34,576 Private schools serving 5.7 million children.
There are 6,841 Catholic schools serving 2.2 million children
There are 5,300 Colleges
There are 90,850 public-school principals
There are 1,770 judges in America, half of them appointed for life
There are 19,429 mayors
There are 50 governors.
There are 435 members in the house
There are 100 members in the Senate
There is one president.
That’s a total of 159,352 very influential positions.
If just 100,000 Christian couples each raised two children to pursue one of the above professions, the country would change.
For example, if each of these Christian couples were to teach their two children to care about this country and to consider it both a privilege and a calling to serve with Christian values, then 200,000 highly principled Christian young people would be leading this country. Let’s further suppose that 3,000 of those young adults ran for office but only 1,000 won. If just a hundred or so ran and won a seat in the House, they could make a big difference. If they ran for the Senate, they could take over. Can you imagine 500 new judges or mayors with strong Christian views? Yes. they would be obliged to follow the Constitution to the letter, but fortunately, that would bring us back to the original values of our founding leaders! The country would change.
Let’s look at the benefits. With 200,000 honest, devoted Christians working in influential positions in our country, fewer people in those positions would be tempted to commit crimes. I’m not suggesting that we push our Christianity on others – but simply that our honest values would help America be even more successful.
Let me make that even simpler. Let’s say a club forms on Facebook. Its members are parents who want to help their children reach for the stars and change this country. Over time, the group grows to 1,070 members. Each parent had at least two children and raised them in a Christian political environment. They supported their efforts to be vocal, to run for school offices, and to participate with other children from the group. Twenty-five years later, those 2,140 children may decide to run for higher office. If only half were to win, those bright Christian offspring would take over Congress and most of the governors’ positions. If only one-fourth of them won, they would still take over the House and Senate. Can you imagine what they could do?
Don’t tell me parents aren’t powerful!
What you do in your home will change America —
for better or for worse.
Every time you waste time snoring in front of the TV while your child is playing video games, you are hurting America’s future. Every time you think it’s fine to scream and yell at your kids because you are tired, you stab at the future heart of America. America’s future begins with great parenting. Please, Christian parents, don’t let us down. Please, Army of God parents, don’t slack off. We need you.
Unfortunately, right now our enemy has already put the above process into practice. The stream of children — made dysfunctional by bad parenting, abusive treatment, and awful colleges — is having a terrible impact on America.
Some feminists in America believe parenting shouldn’t exist. They believe that babies would be better served in an institution and without the “slavery” (their view not mine) involved in women having to care for children. One feminist even believes that procreation should happen without any connection to the woman who will birth a baby and then send that ”future worker” to an institution to be raised just so the population can continue. These feminists want to replace families with baby-making companies — a plan much too close to Hitler’s. All of these ideas are being discussed while politicians and the political and cultural elite wink at the thought of such a horrible situation for children. Satan is using every dysfunctional idea he can to destroy this country.
Wake up, parents. You need to join the Army of God and give your child the power of passion, commitment, and good parenting. Stop looking at parenting as a chore, and instead learn how to give your children the best training they will ever receive. They are going to face cultural ideas that stem from the very pits of Hell. Help them to be able to fight evil ideas that will destroy families, churches, children, and ultimately this country. If we don’t start fighting now, no one will be able to live safe lives with Christian values in future America.
When my baby twins slept, I was exhausted and folding clothes.. I turned on the TV and heard Gloria Steinem, a feminist journalist, telling a talk-show host that stay-at-home moms were the worst. “If you are a stay-at-home mom, you are not helping this country and you are one step away from welfare. America will have to foot the bill for your mistakes.”
I was horrified and burst into tears. Yes, I was overworked and felt out of control, but I had chosen to do this job and was doing it with passion. I waited for Ron to come home. I couldn’t wait to get out the door and go see Dad.
I plopped down in Dad’s office chair, cried, and told him what she had said. “I can’t believe it, Dad. Is it true? I mean after all, I have this degree that I haven’t even had a chance to use. Instead of doing what I was trained to do, I’m cleaning toilets and changing diapers. I love my children and believe this is best for them, but is it best for me? Am I wasting my talents? I don’t want to disappoint God.”
He handed me another tissue and smiled.
“I’m so glad you came to me. You know my friend Stanley Nilan.” I nodded yes. “Well, he knows the director of a technological science center in one of the skyscrapers in downtown Atlanta. They have developed a robot that they think can be taught to respond like a human. They hope that if they can teach this robot how to be emotional as well as clinical, that it can discover the cure for things like cancer and other medical and social problems. They’re looking for a child psychologist to help them. The problem is that their grant was less than they thought and they haven’t received approval for another one. They don’t have a lot of money, but they can give you a title and a little for pay for personal needs. Would you be interested?”
“Dad, that sounds fabulous! I could use everything I’ve learned and I would be part of something big…really big.” I wiped my nose and was sitting up straight just in time to jump when he slammed his fist on his desk.
“Just what in the world do you think you are doing now!? Don’t you know you could have the next scientist in your house? You may have the next brain surgeon, preacher, or even president crawling around on your floors. You should paint a sign and hang it on your door:
Debbie Jansen – President of the Home for future VIP’s.
“You don’t need to go out to find approval. You have three little ones who are counting on you to guide them and teach them how to have a better life. You aren’t responsible for the talents they’ve been given, but you are responsible to instill in their hearts the desire to use those talents. You are responsible for helping them become the kind of person others can follow. You will decide if they will be successful in their personal lives and in their careers.” He stared at me, waiting for a response.
When I finally finished gaping at him, I said, “I…um…I guess I never thought of it that way.”
“You should, Debbie. The world needs good people and so does God. You are called to help two new lives become the adults that God can use. The world will be changed by their presence.”
Driving home, I resolved myself to do my part in the Army of God. I needed to help produce leaders with strong Christian values. After all, evil men/women could not become the Tough soldiers my grandmother demanded.
Army of God, it’s time to use your power of parenting to change this country and impact the world. We need you to raise a generation of good children who are ready to take their place in the world and change it for good.
Evil men/women cannot be good soldiers in The Army of God.
Questions for Today
- Name a person who impacted your life and taught you to be a great person.
- If you are a parent, name something you do to help your children. If you are single, how have you impacted other lives by being a mentor?
- Name three ways you believe good parenting prepares children for adult lives.
Today’s Prayer Time
Pray for yourself. If you are single pray for other children.
Pray that God will help you to perfect your parenting skills.
Pray that you can see the heart of your children.
Pray that God will keep your home calm and that you can lead your children to God.
Pray for your family and friends.
Pray that you will be a witness to your friends and family by your good parenting.
Pray that your family will be blessed by your good parenting.
Pray for other parents in your small group who are struggling. Be their mentor.
Pray for Your Circle of America
Pray for other parents in your church or small group.
Pray that your church will have regular classes on good parenting.
Pray that your city will develop programs to help lower-income parents to become better at being parents.
Pray for abused children, and consider becoming a mentor.
Pray for America as a whole.
Over 331 million people live in America, and we all have parents. Pray that all parents young and old will become better mentors and guides.
Pray that God will inspire American churches to reach out to neighborhoods that are full of dysfunctional and abusive parents. They need help to see better possibilities.
Pray for Christian counselors, speakers, ministers, and authors to speak out about proper parenting.
Pray that every Church across the nation will understand the important role parenting has in The Army of God.
Pray for all the social groups in your community. Pray that they will teach godly parenting skills.
Pray for hurting children. Children being raised in dysfunctional homes desperately need someone to help them and to love them. Just as important, they need people to pray for them.
What two personal things can you pray for today?
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