I began storing Christmas decorations today. It’s a boring chore and can leave me feeling “the year end” let down. Putting away the designs of the holiday brings all kinds of good and bad images to mind. It’s painful to recall the deaths we’ve experienced, accidents, hard work and even broken relationships. I am so thankful for the sweet memories of births, weddings and warm loving hugs.
I prayed for all of you thinking about how my experiences have probably been yours as well. Recovering from the death of a loved one is a lonely journey that requires leaning on God. None of us need help getting through the good times – unless we need a little more physical help for the hard work.
When you are betrayed by a loved one or rejected by a friend – that not only requires God, it needs a plan. Betrayal and rejection can go so deep that it feels like your very internal organs are involved. It’s like being brutally attacked from the inside out.
Forgiveness? “Nope that can’t happen. At least not now. Don’t even talk to me about restoring the friendship.”
I understand your pain. To stop a feud with a friend or family member, pray for them. Jesus said, “Pray for your enemies. Do good to those that have hurt you.”
“Debbie – you are nuts! When someone hurts me to the core I don’t go back for more. Well, maybe I will pray for them. Maybe I’ll ask God to shake them over Hell until they realize what they have done to me. They should know that if they hurt me, I’ll call on God to go after them!”
I understand. Been there and felt that way. Perhaps we should consider these tips for healing.
Use prayer to determine whether or not you can offer forgiveness without their repentance. Sometimes that is possible. Other times forgiveness without repentance may enable the person to hurt you again. Expecting an apology isn’t about humbling the aggressor, but rather about providing a small guarantee that it won’t happen again. I believe there are times when we must respond like God would and we must wait for repentance before administering forgiveness.
When you can’t offer forgiveness without a repentance and the offender refuses to repent – then it’s time to send your forgiveness to God. By that I mean, pray it through to the point that you and God understand that you “do” forgive them. The pain of the situation is gone and you have released the hurt and anger to God. All that you are waiting on is a their repentance so you can hug them and verbalize your forgiveness.
Unfortunately, God probably won’t believe that you have forgiven and laid your pain before him – if you are still asking God to shake the offender over Hell. God also might be a little leary of your motive if you keep asking Him to get them and administer the the punishment they are due.
The true key to God’s type of forgiveness is not based on you and your feelings. You have to put all that on the chopping block. It is based on how you respond, your motive and what you can learn from the situation. And guess what? That’s the same objective God has for the offender.
How should they respond? By asking for forgiveness.
What should their motive be? To please God by making things right with you.
And what take away does God want? That the offender learn from his mistakes.
We all really are the same aren’t we?
With God, all things are possible.